KrisHawk
by on May 3, 2019
114 views

Non-Biased Self Help Guide_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Many times Aftercare is an essential process for a submissive following the aftermath of any BDSM act and/or power exchange. The “crawl cycle” in Findom is called a “drop” in BDSM generally. A DROP can be a disconnection emotionally and/or physically. The “drop” is what makes the submissive run or drift away from the dominant.

In simple terms, Aftercare involves the dominant giving some form of attention to the submissive following an act/session/rape/beating whatever. There are different many forms this can take place leaving the submissive into a comfort zone afterwards. Aftercare is essential more then ever when during an INTENSE experience. In some odd cases aftercare is needed for both parties. Those are highly unusual circumstances. There are times when I’ve needed it when draining someone hard or other extreme things. I will give you all examples of intense experiences in general BDSM and Findom.

(NOTE: The biggest killer to any BDSM relationship is a sense of “Abandonment.”)

 

1. Submissive has just been verbally humiliated to the point of deep sub space willing to do almost anything. After that subspace fades away, feelings of shame or hits to self esteem can occur. This can be a good thing in findom, but for the most part it can also be very dangerous to leave the submissive feeling negative emotions… if you wish to maintain a longterm BDSM relationship. If The sub truly starts to believe he is worthless, the reality may send him into a dangerous addiction or falling off the “same page” as the dom. Degredation usually doesn’t require aftercare in this particular scene, however I realized that in some cases.. YES IT DOES.  

Example Of Aftercare: I talk to the sub before and after the session. If I sense anything remotely distant, I ask how he or she is feeling. I make it very clear to the sub to not hesitate how they are feeling at any given time. This gives subs a sense of security and some power they can “clutch” onto.

Think of “being able to vent” as a security blanket. Don’t disregard their emotions!! Use communication skills as “preventative care.” Make sure your sub understands that they are still a human being deep down and show compassion. Talk and listen for as long as they need. Do NOT leave your sub feeling like this if its beyond the realms of BDSM.

Degradation can affect someone’s self esteem unintentionally to where it changes how they treat themselves or others. Writing on their body or wrecking things isn’t the same as not eating or lashing out at others. Some subs still need to be reminded of their talents, good qualities, skills, and positive personality traits. As long as you keep them on this page then the dynamics will stand firm in the long term.

2. Submissive has just given passwords to his Facebook and email to his master/mistress. Submissive may have also given access to ones bank account, even if no cash rape has occured. Submissive has just transferred power to his/her dominant. This transfer of power may be a shock after reality sets in, even if there is trust and communication the entire time. The submissive may feel a sense of worry and may need a sense of reassurance that everything is ok.

Examples Of Aftercare

If the Dom establishes a necessary safe word and communicates for a decent time before an experience/session, then there will be less of a chance for more intensive aftercare. This is why I talk to subs for hours or even days before things such as info extraction. I scan them and get to know them as a human being.

With experiences like transferring the power of privacy, I establish beforehand that deep down we are equal even if I don’t state that with exact words. Yes in BDSM I am superior blah blah but I’m speaking in reality outside of subspace/headspace.  

I remind them that I would never do anything that was not agreed upon. One of the things a sub may worry about is if their master/misstress may take money that is unexpected or that his information may be used in a way that was not agreed upon. The rational fears may settle in and its the job of a master/misstress to reassure the submissive that what has been communicated is the reality. Reaffirm that deep down THEY have control.

When a sub uses the safe word, RESPECT IT. If they wish to change the dynamics, LET THEM. If they make a new checking account, don’t start harping on them. The more you let them indirectly steer the wheel the more likely you will keep them wrapped around your finger.


 3. A Sub has just gotten the shit beaten out of him. He’s been kicked, stomped on, thrashed around, hit over the head whatever. The sub may be in immense pain or start to feel feelings of insecurity as time goes on. The physical abuse may have the same effect as general humiliation. They aren’t always aware its happening. If they express it listen.

Examples Of Aftercare:

Use the same common sense with the first example. Immediately after the session check to make sure that any possible cuts are disinfected and bandaged. Ask where they are feeling any pain that may be lingering. This concern will show your sub that you do care, and that you are someone they shouldn’t have to be afraid of in the end.

The Rest Are Financial.

(There are SO Many methods and means of aftercare for financial transfer. This power transfer is the obvious reason all you subs are here.)

4A Sub has sent more then he ever has before, and has been just rapped of $500 by his master/misstress. The sub in question has already planned to spend this much, but after he cums he may feel uneasy. He won’t be hurting, but he may think of other things he could have spent that money on. He begins to feel upset for whatever reason. Even if he doesn’t tell you, watch for changes in how they type and/or facial expressions. You don’t want him to mentally equate YOU being without. Indirectly redirect his thinking that this is a two way street and that both parties are the reason why.  


Examples Of aftercare For Financial Domination

Subs in control don’t feel regret if communication and planning is set in. Financial can be tricky, as its one of the most ultimate forms of power transfer.

With Financial Domination, Preventative care is an ABSOLUTE MUST! When getting to know a financial sub, never ask for an upfront tribute just to talk. Ask them about basic things such as hobbies, what they do for a living, what they make per year, and a general conversation. Be yourself and genuine. Don’t come off as “fake aggressive” as it just spells out eventual “drops/crawls.” (Nervous subs may find that intimidating. Its Only hot when one is in subspace.) Knowing what they make and basic things about themselves, one can use common judgement to keep in mind what is rational for them to be spending. I do this casually and subconsciously. ;-)

If you let that sub spend more then what is rational for his well being, then you’re fucking up the long term dynamics. A I attempt to get them to step back and take a break. Continue the dynamics without the financial aspect, as you don’t want them to mentally equate general BDSM as a problem.  I don’t attempt to cash fuck them If I know bills or rent are due. I also take into consideration of other/unexpected important expenses. Things like their health insurance needs to be paid for. Keep the bondage and control aspect in check even if they aren’t being cash fucked. If they are back and forth and want to engage and they are close to being over the limit, ride the wave with them and hold onto the reins like riding Jet Skis. This scene is about an erotic power transfer, not a means to make a profit.

Now if the sub says “please rape me” one can use common sense to see that this sub does this with everyone. As a dom I understand that there are things beyond my control. If they show no sign of in depth conversation, drain them hard. Within reason, most people aren’t rich. Tip: I’ve had “cash whores” eventually fall into my hands exclusively when they see how I operate. Many times they whore around because they feel many doms can’t hold a basic general conversation.

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4B I need to state an extreme example and will use one of my past experiences with my present sub Andrew S. that I’ve written two blogs about as of this writing. Our hardest session resulted in losing 35k in one setting while in my bedroom. He had his entire inheritance cash fucked along with his credit cards being maxed out.

Although Andrew appeared to be very pleased and content with losing another 30k a year before, his face still showed signs that there was some discomfort. If I had not tended to him after that large massive long term drain, he could have become emotionally withdrawn. That is something you NEVER want ANY cash sub to feel long term!! Its VERY dangerous for any BDSM relationship when a mindset spins out of control and goes unmanaged. There are so many ways to go about an intense example like this.


I handled this differently then most masters would for obvious reasons. Not having a sexual orientation actually gives me unique playing cards Im able to use in many ways. I truly do care about Andrew as a person. After each session I would put his head on my chest and stroke his hair. After his second time losing 35k in one sitting I let him stay for days. I let him sleep next to me in my bed among other things. I wasn’t trying to be romantic with him, just show physical affection. And all of it was 100% genuine. I became serious that he had to maintain a life for himself and to always make sure he could take care of himself at the end of the day. Throughout our conversations I was able to put many smiles on his face. When he left he had nothing but warm glows upon him. Being human and having compassion in the scene of findom is whats gets you the most far.

Other ways to tackle this is to be there for them like a friend. If you have a case like andrew, reinstate the fact that he isn’t truly “a dumb faggot.” Get that out of his head right away. Don’t let him leave truly feeling bad about himself, role play is another thing. Make sure both are on the same level before any session is “closed.”  Casually check up on them, ask how they are doing. A happy slave is a loyal slave.


Additional Notes:

1. There is no right way to provide aftercare.

2. Give the sub a piece of chocolate at the end of a real time session (unless they have some heart or BP issues.) Chocolate releases a natural chemical in the brain called Oxytocin and raise blood sugar, putting the mind at more ease. There is another term for aftercare called “babysitting.” This type of aftercare can not be rushed. Take your time in getting them into a positive mindset.

3. If they have been chemically intoxicated, show concern towards their health. If they are on certain drugs they may be dehydrated. Don’t give them water… ask if they would like a glass of water. Give them a sense that they have freedoms like any other human being.

4. NEVER leave your sub feeling any sense of abandomant. Positive reinforcement is a necessary must. Feeling alone and abandoned is the #1 cause for drops/crawl cycles.

5. In Findom… never cut them off right after a session. If they stop paying and they cum, be willing to stick around to chat if they wish. Refusing to do so is the stupidest thing you can ever do.

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Other Help Guides:

Managing and Understanding Addiction To Financial Domination

https://dominants.co/blog/776/managing-and-understanding-addiction-to-financial-domination/

 

Remembering That Slaves Are Human Too

https://dominants.co/blog/773/remembering-that-slaves-are-human-too/

 

Genuine Doms Don't Need Your Cash

https://dominants.co/blog/778/genuine-doms-dont-need-your-cash/

 

Not All Nont Tributing Subs Are Time Wasters

https://dominants.co/blog/762/not-all-non-tributing-subs-are-time-wasters/

 

Empathy And Understanding A Subs Mind

https://dominants.co/blog/795/empathy-and-understanding-a-subs-mind/

 

Preventing Crawl Back Cycles, Trust, and Limits

https://dominants.co/blog/763/preventing-crawl-back-cycles-trust-and-respecting-limits/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wannabenutted
Powerful stuff Sir
KrisHawk
This is something thats rarely been discussed in the findom community. I felt it was necessary and feel it would help some doms as well not just subs. Aftercare is essential in ALL forms of BDSM. Aftercare is what keeps subs longterm even years.
KrisHawk
Side note: if you’re skilled enough, You can provide aftercare to any sub without them even realize you’re doing it. I do it for everyone and they don’t even know the term. They never crawl away and that means more $$ Due to misunderstandings I had to add this!